Mettā (Loving Kindness)
by Marjolein Janssen
The four ‘sublime states of mind’ (brahmavihara in Pāli, the language of some of the oldest Buddhist texts) are four qualities of heart and mind that play an important role in Buddhism.
These four heart qualities are:
- mettā – loving-kindness
- karunā – compassion
- muditā – sympathetic joy
- upekkhā – equanimity
The Development of Heart Qualities
All these heart qualities can be cultivated. Meditations for all four are provided in the scriptures. While most of us are familiar with mettā meditation, the same cannot be said for the other three.
Practicing these four heart qualities, almost daily, has been incredibly valuable for my meditation practice. Therefore, I am excited to share this knowledge and experience with you in a series of articles about the brahmavihārā and the corresponding meditations. This first article is about mettā.
Mettā, usually translated as ‘loving kindness’, represents a benevolent and friendly attitude towards ourselves and all other living beings. We all have this quality of goodwill inherently within us. We can all naturally interact with ourselves and others in a loving way, and we can further develop, nourish, and cherish this ability.
The four brahmavihārā are all interconnected, with mettā serving as the foundation. Thus, it makes sense to start with mettā and then develop the other three from there. This does not mean you have to wait until mettā is fully matured before moving on to the others. However, it can be useful to have tasted the flavor of loving kindness before taking the next step.
One of the few clear instructions for the development of mettā (and also the other brahmavihārā) in the Buddha’s discourses (the suttas) is as follows:
“He dwells, having pervaded one quadrant with a mind imbued with loving kindness; likewise the second, likewise the third, likewise the fourth; so above, below, around, and everywhere, and to all as to himself, he dwells pervading the entire world with a mind imbued with loving kindness, abundant, exalted, immeasurable, without hostility, and without ill will.”
-Vatthupama Sutta (MN 7)
This instruction implies that we all already have a heart and mind full of love and that we can immediately permeate all corners of the world with that love. Unfortunately, for most people, it is not that simple. They will need to practice before their heart can radiate in such a way. And perhaps that is why the influential monk Buddhaghosa, a few hundred years after the Buddha, came up with the idea of reciting phrases. This method, which is explained at the end of this article, is still the easiest way for most people to start developing mettā.
Mettā Phrases Can Be Helpful
When I first started with mettā meditation, the phrases were very helpful for me. I noticed that loving kindness, like the other brahmavihārā, can really start to flow when you regularly practice these heart qualities. You may suddenly find yourself being much less critical of yourself than before or having more understanding for others. For example, I used to get annoyed with homeless people or street newspaper vendors. Over time, my irritation has been replaced by kindness and compassion. I can now see that they may have a difficult life, which naturally brings up gentleness and mildness, and a sincere wish for an end to their suffering. Now, when a homeless person or street newspaper vendor crosses my path, I greet them and wish them a nice day. Sometimes I give money or buy a street newspaper.
Additionally, I no longer scold myself if, for instance, I knock over a glass of water. I treat myself kindly and recognize that it is okay to make mistakes.
The shift from criticism and judgment to kindness and compassion is a process that often happens largely in the background. You may not notice it at the moment when you are practicing the brahmavihārā meditations, but the foundation is being laid; the seeds of mildness and kindness are being sown. So even if you don’t yet feel mettā flowing, your practice is still having an effect. With each phrase, you express an intention and a wish, thereby doing much of the necessary work.
The Opposite of Metta
During practice, it may happen that feelings and thoughts arise that are the opposite of mettā, such as self-loathing, judgments about others, or feelings of unworthiness. This occurs because brahmavihārā practice is a purification process. It brings to the surface what still obstructs. Guy Armstrong, a meditation teacher, says that the mettā heart is like a magnet: it attracts what is not yet aligned with the quality of mettā. The same is true for our karunā, muditā, and upekkhā hearts.
But sooner or later, you reach a point where these qualities become easily accessible to you, and as the Buddha describes it, you have a heart full of mettā that permeates the whole world. The brahmavihārā are actually our natural state. When there is no desire, aversion, or confusion in the way, our heart radiates these four heart qualities, and we naturally respond to every situation with mettā, karunā, muditā, and upekkhā.
Instructions for Practicing Mettā Meditation
Particularly with a difficult person, ill will and aversion can arise. We don’t want this person to be happy or live in peace at all. Ill will is the so-called ‘far enemy’ (or the opposite) of mettā. The ‘near enemy’ is the attachment we can feel in the practice for a benefactor or good friend. This enemy is called ‘near’ because we easily mistake it for mettā, while it is not.
It is good to be alert to these enemies and to know that their presence is part of the purification process.
You can be mindful of them and develop a friendly, accepting attitude. And if they are very persistent or overwhelming, you can always switch to an easier category (such as a benefactor or good friend) or to vipassanā meditation. It is not weak or lazy to temporarily shift your attention. Sometimes we are not yet ready for this category or practice, and it is wise to do something else first.
Traditionally, mettā meditation starts with good wishes for ourselves. In the time of Buddhaghosa, this was considered the easiest. However, in our time and culture, it is not always easy to wish ourselves well. Often, we feel we fall short or are not worthy of happiness. If this is the case for you, feel free to start with the benefactor and add mettā for yourself later in the sequence of categories.
If you do start with yourself, you then move on to good wishes for a benefactor. This is someone who has helped you in your life, such as a teacher or mentor, but it can also be a well-known person who inspires you, such as the Dalai Lama or Mother Theresa.
Next, you send good wishes to a friend. This category can be interpreted very broadly: a (pet) animal or a child in your environment can also fit here.
Then you move on to a neutral person. This is someone you occasionally encounter but do not really know and for whom you have no strong feelings. Think of the cashier at the supermarket or a neighbor you greet on the street. It can also be someone you may have seen for the first time that day.
After the neutral person comes the ‘difficult’ person, traditionally also called the ‘enemy,’ but I find that word a bit too strong. This category includes people with whom you do not easily get along or who evoke feelings of irritation in you; they do not have to be your worst enemy. As your mettā develops, you can choose increasingly challenging individuals, but it is advisable to start with someone who only slightly irritates you.
And finally, all living beings are included, without exception. This category encompasses not only all people but also all other living beings.
Phrases
The phrases you can use in the practice of mettā are:
- May I/you be safe.
- May I/you be happy.
- May I/you be healthy.
- May I/you live in peace.
You repeat these phrases in your mind and direct the wishes towards the person you have chosen. You can visualize that person, try to feel their presence, or use their name if you know it.
It is important to realize that it is beyond your control whether these wishes come true. The aim is not to influence your own or others’ experiences. It is purely about your intention, about planting the seeds of kindness and love in your own heart, through the development of mettā.
If you have trouble with the above phrases, if they don’t suit you, or if you enjoy experimenting, you can certainly come up with others. For example, “I wish you calmness,” or “may you develop wisdom.” Wishes in the material realm, such as a promotion at work, are discouraged. That is not what mettā meditation is about.
This practice is about strengthening the good qualities of heart and mind.
On the internet, you can find guided mettā meditations. Different teachers have different approaches and do not all use the same phrases. The categories can also vary from what I have described above.
Guided Mettā Meditation
I gave a guided mettā meditation during IMC’s ‘Happy Hour’, an hour each work day devoted to the bhramavihārā, and related, meditations. This guided meditation covers what I’ve discussed above. Take a listen.